You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
