He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
