My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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