My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
