i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
