Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
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