overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
