ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
