if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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