Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
