So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
