god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
