Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize