i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Boobs are out for the taking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
