so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had to cum in my sink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
