well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
