I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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