i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
