walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You took a bar mat shot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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