I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one two three fourrrrnication!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
