I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
