also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
