Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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