i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
