I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
