i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
