so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
