I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
