This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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