I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
