You're my little dorito
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
