i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
