Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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