You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
