I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
