Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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