After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dick very happy bro
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
