You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
True college students do jello shots in the library
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