I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
