i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
