i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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