smell my finger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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