She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
