There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
More tranny stories later!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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