i think my tv is drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
