The maid of honor just puked.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
