UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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