I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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