I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize