Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Boobs speak an international language.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
