I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
