Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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