I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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