Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
