Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mom said you looked used
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
