just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
