There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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