i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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