if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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