she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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