Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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