I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
