tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
