There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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