he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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