Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's blow job season.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
