There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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