No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
