It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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