my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
