I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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