not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
