"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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