Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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