i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
