then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
