Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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