where am i from again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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