a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
