There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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