you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
