My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
