he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
