just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm both gender and math confused
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
