I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
