So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is the prime rib incident all over again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
