I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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