I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
