I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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