did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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