We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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