Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
