Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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