I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
