I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
