Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
