This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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