Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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