it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize