My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have fence marks all over my body
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
